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Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

The Moment

By Photos8.org

I remember the moment I first knew I wanted to be a mom. I was at the funeral of a friend’s father. We were at the grave site after the services and my friend’s young daughter ran up to her, wrapped her arms around her leg, and said “Mommy…” and then a question I can no longer remember. It was the “Mommy” that got me. My friend was a mom.

Her daughter looked up at her with a mixture of adoration and total, utter reliance. It wasn’t the adoration I was after—it was that I realized in that moment that I wanted someone to depend on me. Wholly and completely depend on me. On that grief-stricken day when my friend buried her father, she had this whole new life wrapped around her, pushing her forward. I guess you could say it was my light bulb moment.

How about you other parents out there? Was there a moment when you knew you wanted children or was it just a given?

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Thoughts on Allowance?

via Amazon

I hadn’t given much thought to the topic of allowance until I read this controversial post on Ohdeedoh the other day. There is quite a debate among parents about whether or not to give an allowance, and if so, how much and what is required (if anything) to receive it.

I received an allowance growing up and I’ve always assumed I would give one to my own children, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I might give one to my now 5-year-old. Yet, in the comments on Ohdeedoh’s post, many parents mentioned giving an allowance to their 3, 4, and 5-year-olds. So, maybe I’m behind the eight ball on this one.

One idea I have given thought to is to divide said allowance into three categories: Spend, Save and Give. (Some also recommend Invest.) I think this is a valuable lesson for kids and I’m hoping to DIY a fun bank setup for this.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts: Do you think kids should receive an allowance? Should it be tied to chores or given without condition? At what age should it start? How much is appropriate in 2011?

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Advice for New Parents?

A few years ago, when I was throwing a baby shower for a dear friend, one of the other co-hostesses suggested we buy a small topiary for a centerpiece and ask the guests to write words of wisdom for the new parents on small tags that they would then hang on the tree. After the party, the mom-to-be’s sister-in-law took the tags and integrated them into a scrapbook.

There is a lot of advice floating around for new parents: sleep when your baby sleeps, take lots of pictures, write everything down, enjoy every moment because it goes by too fast. But my advice to her was this: Every night, no matter what has transpired that day, make sure you go in and see your child sleeping before you go to bed. Seeing that angelic little face will make anything stressful or negative that happened that day quickly fade away. There is nothing sweeter than a sleeping child.

Lucy at 20 months (yes, those are cowgirl boots she's wearing)

Five years after the birth of our first baby, this is still a nightly ritual and one of the best parts of my day.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new parent, what would it be?

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via Amazon

In case you couldn’t tell from this list and this one, I love reading books to my kids. I’ve always been a book lover and I hoped to pass that on to my children. Yes, I was one of those women who read to her baby in the womb. I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t wait to share so much wonderful literature with her!

From the time Lucy was born, I loved reading books with her, but I didn’t realize quite how important it was to her development until I read Jim Trelease’s The Read-Aloud Handbook. I’m not an educator, so I really had no idea what a seminal book this is—I merely picked it up at the bookstore one day when Lucy was a few months old and liked that it contained a list of books that make excellent stories to read aloud.

I loved the book and it’s really shaped how I feel about books in our family and even my approach to teaching the kids new things. Trelease submits that the best way for children to learn to read (the gateway to learning all other subjects) is to hear stories read aloud on a regular basis. Should children read silently on their own when they are able? Certainly. Sustained Silent Reading (SSR) should be a part of the mix, but you should continue to read aloud to them well after they can do it on their own. Just read his account of the miraculous turnaround at Solomon Lewenberg Middle School in Boston (Chapter 1), and the story of Sonya Carson and her son, Ben (Chapter 9).

In the years his book has been in publication, Trelease has received so many letters from readers extolling the impact reading has had on their life, or that of their child. Indeed, there are so many stories of high achieving students—valedictorians, Ivy Leaguers, those who received a perfect score on the SAT or ACT—whose only preparation was a family who read aloud and dedicated time spent undertaking SSR, that you’ll wonder about all of those families spending thousands of dollars on test prep courses.

In today’s world, parents feel behind if their child is not reading when they enter kindergarten. Yet, did you know that in Finland children are not taught to read until they are 7 years old? Oh yeah, and they have the highest reading scores in the world. We’re in such a rush to produce overachievers that we’re not allowing kids to be kids. What would you rather do: read a richly illustrated, adventurous picture book with your child, or sit and do 50 flash cards with them? I think we’d all choose the former, and so would our kids. According to Trelease, we’re not just making the fun choice—we’re also making the smart choice.

There are far too many statistics, anecdotes, and words of wisdom in the book for me to share here. I recently re-read the book now that the kids are older, and picked up on so many new things. It’s a book I plan to re-read again and again, as my children enter new phases in their lives.

Are you a fan of The Read-Aloud Handbook? Are there other similar books you’d recommend?

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Talking to Little Girls

A few weeks ago, on Facebook, my cousin posted a link to this article. I’ve been meaning to blog about it, because I think it’s such an important message. The article centers on our tendency to focus so much on the appearance of little girls that we forget to engage them on the topics that matter most, like books they’re reading or hobbies they enjoy.

I think I do a fairly decent job of not focusing on appearance with my own daughter (though I know I am guilty of this at times), but I can’t say the same about my conversations with other little girls. My immediate instinct is almost always to compliment them on their headband or dress, rather than ask them about themselves.

I suppose this is natural. Our first interactions with a person are usually visual. It’s instinctual to want to compliment someone on what we can outwardly see, but what message are we sending to little girls? In a world where every other item of clothing produced for little girls is emblazoned with the word “Princess” and girls are regularly encouraged to dress up in royal attire (yes, I chose the picture above for a reason), it’s easy to forget that there are impressionable little minds in there being molded by how we talk to them.

As Lucy begins kindergarten, I am really going to make a concerted effort to talk to her about what they’re reading in class, which subjects she enjoys most, and what ideas she has. I’m sure I won’t always say the right thing, but the important thing is that I am aware of what I say. And when I interact with other young girls, I am going to try to resist my impulse to say “Hi Kylie, I love your sparkly skirt,” and instead say, “Hi Kylie, what’s the best book you’ve read lately?”

I encourage you to read the article. Also, I just noticed that Joanna Goddard over at A Cup of Jo also posted about this article recently and had these thoughts. Very well put.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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